What a wonderful day of karmic sarcasm. What's the female equivalent to "Freezing my balls off!"

XDDD. This is awesome. Don't click unless you've read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and played Final Fantasy VII

Fatal Frame 3 second trailer is out. Also, the offical Japanese site is up! *excitement*

Oh, last time I forgot to put up my limerick poetries. So I shall do so in this entry:

I Touch Myself
By: Mawm

Today I saw a funny hat
It looked like a balloon
The warm spot got wet in my pants
And I touched myself

I went to the mall after work
And I saw a clown
He smiled at me with broken teeth
So I touched myself

Sometimes when I'm all alone
In bed, at work, at your house
I'll get this uncontrollable
Feeling bulging out
Candles, ketchup, blocks of cheese
All arouse me equally
I put my hand down my pants
And then I touch myself

One time my mom was standing there
As I do my deed
She said I will go blind someday
When touching myself
So I said "What can I do?"
To my mom that day
She said then with a somber tone
"Go touch someone else!"

So I took my mom's advice
And I touched my friends
One of them had called the cops
Now I am in jail

Right now I am lying here
Surrounded by four cement walls
There's not much to do here
My palm's my only friend
Then I spot a rusty bowl
It arouse me so
I put my hand down my pants
And I touch myself

THE END

They Touched My Wang
By: Mawm

I remember long ago
At Janel's birthday
Katy and her got real drunk
Then they touched my wang

At first I didn't let them touch
The wang between my legs
Though being tipsy myself soon
Resistance soon dissolved

They touched my wang thoroughly
While I kinda went
"OMG you touched my wang!
Now you will get DOOM!"
But instead I fell asleep
Somewhere in that room
In the morning I woke up
My wang has now been touched

Then Jesus came to me with a
Bunch of DVDs
Documentaries of him
And some zombie porn
He spoke to me his holy words
"Let me touch your wang!"
I let Jesus licked it too
Then he said "Woohoo!"

THE END

Now wasn't that educational, kiddies?
And now, for the LJ post that was supposed to be put up yesterday, but when I got home it was 1:00am.

Today I learned several valuable lessons in life. But let's start with yesterday. Yesterday I missed my stop home, and went to Sunnyside. While there, I saw a random Pseudo-Chinese Takeout Place, so I thought "why not?", and with every customary pseudo-chinese-takeout-places, there's fortune cookies. And mine happened to say "Ask your friends to come along to your next adventure!" And so, faithfully, the morning after, I phoned up my friends to go adventuring together. I called ED first, and like usual, she doesn't pick up. Her voicemail was full, and I couldn't send SMS to her phone for whatever reason. I assumed then that ED was vegging, which seemed like the only thing she does these days (*insert incoherent mutterings of the words "rich dad" and "casually unemployed" and "lucky" here*). Then I called Janel, whom had not answer neither of her home or cell phones. The latter was even off. Then I called Katy, who, miraculously was home, AND picked up the phone! Huzzah! I thought. But then she has to do chores, and bathe, and said she'll give me a shout once she knows what's going on.

And so, like a good patient friend, I waited. I waited an hour, just sitting there in my empty Salvation Army room (I have to remind you all that I AM in fact homeless, which is a fact, and not because I was trying to gain sympathy, but because several people thought I was joking), staring at the wall. I brought out a blank piece of paper in hopes of occupying my time with drawing something, but found no inspiration whatsoever from the wall I was staring at. So I set out to travel outside for inspiration. My journey had lead me to Chinatown, yet no strokes of inspiration were found, only bootleg DVDs that I will come back and purchase in the future when my PS2 and TV gets here. So I hopped on the train and went to Shawnessy Chapters, the closest Chapters I know that isn't inside a mall. By mall, I meant Calgary sized malls, which are like 1/10th the size of "regular" malls (my regular malls, I meant nearly any malls you'll find in Vancouver), with at least 7 times less stores within.

I stayed at Chapters for the next 8 hours or so, waiting for Katy's call. Meanwhile, reading everything I could possibly think of to find and read. Including Marilyn Manson's biography. Many people had told me to read this book, praising that when you do, you'll gain way more respect on the man than previously. Curious, I read the majority of it sitting in front of the biography shelf for several hours. I find that the effect was entirely opposite. Not only did I not find him more respectable after the reading, I was repulsed by some of the things he said, and thinks about, and judged. His way of describing women as mere tools for men's sexual pleasure, and that there are like 30 rules that once you break, you'll be "accused" of being gay in Manson's book, and the way he views gay people as "unnatural" and "wrong" disgusts me to the core. In the book, he was describing his first sexual encounter with this girl named Tina Potts. He claimed that he only decided to talk to her because she was unpopular, therefore equal to his social standings, and also had large breasts and was his only chance of "getting laid". He called her a "highschool pussy" and "pump and dump", which are both inhumanly cruel words to describe a fellow human being. He also called gamers, particularly tabletop RPGers, losers. So, as my respect for Manson slipped out from the pages of his biography, I rummaged through Chapters for a few more hours, trying to occupy myself while I waited some more. Eventually it came to me that this was going nowhere and I'm still not inspired in any form or manner.

And so, I set out to do the stupidest thing I've done to date since I arrived in Calgary. I transit-ed to Canyon Meadow station, and decided, to walk to Katy's house from there. I was hoping that one of the following results will occur:

1) Katy: *opens door* OMG! Mawm! You crazy stalker you!! *slams door*
2) Katy's mum: Hi, friend-of-Katy! She's still doing chores and can't be bothered to come right now..
Katy: Mawm! My seemingly eternal ordeal of chores has been broken by thee! Rejoice to the people!

Alas, bad karma was on my side that day and I experienced something even worse than my scenarios. An entire hour of boiling, charring, tedious walk in direct sunlight (no clouds), and NO KATY IS FOUND!! I called the house, and her mum informed me that she had gone to bowling at 3 o'clock earlier. >________+ *shakesfist* Not that she can't go out and have other plans, but she could've at least called me at 3, and told me not to wait anymore, or loiter around wasting my youth and time. *sigh* But it's very hard to stay mad at the Katy, or even start being mad at all. So instead I admit that bad timing must be my other special talent. So I stood there for a while, hoping that the bus or car carrying Katy will whist by and that she'll see me on the sidewalk and remember that she forgot to call. But none of that happens in reality, evidently.

Disappointed and hungry, I sought out a nearby bundle of restaurants down "the stairs". As poor and unfed as I were, I still have more class than to go McDonalds-ing. So I chose the best thing after, KFC. I set my stuff down, and was hoping that I could sit and relax after the tediously long walk, but once again, bad karma struck, and KFC was closed right after I walked in. So I ordered the chicken to be taken out, and I sat on the sidewalk outside, eating my cold chicken, as endless gusts of wind threaten to both blow my hat off, and torment my sleevelessness. On the way home, I thought to call Rayvin, seeing as she's the only person so far I can carry on a several-hours-long conversation with about absolutely nothing at all, but just my luck, her phone's busy. I called again when I got to the school, still busy. Again at the Esso, still busy, so eventually I just gave up calling.

All seemed well until the train approached Victoria Park, 1 stop before my destination. They announced that the station is closed, so everyone had to get off at Victoria Park, and WALK THEIR WAY BACK. Another 30 extra minutes of my life, depleted. I got back into the Salvation Army building, only to find that my ID Card had ceased to work on any doors. Calling the security to let me in, I was worried that my $140-for-2-weeks had ran out. The only thing that worked in my favor that day was this: My time hasn't ran out, but I have until next friday. I called the bank to check how much I have left, and apparently I only got $110 left. Which isn't enough for food, internet and shelter altogether until I either get paid, or my dad arrives with supplements. So I should start worrying now. Anyway, getting back to the emptiness that is my room, with nothing achieved in the day and no great adventures, I resigned myself back to this bed, writing this up on the back of this lyric sheet (I ran out of regular blank papers). Tomorrow I need to go and buy more batteries and razors. Maybe I'll read Half-Blood Prince again. Like when you watch a movie multiple times, you always pick up some new detail you missed the first round, plus I was yearning to fall in love with Harry x Ginny then breakup all over again. As most can see, I'm really a huge huge supporter of Harry x Ginny. Ever since Ginny's first appearance in Chamber of Secrets and her reaction to Harry in the Burrow. Annnyway, this is Mawm, signing off.

You scored as Emma Frost. Emma Frost is a former enemy of the X-Men but has joined them. She finds certain rules about not reading minds without permission to confining, and she still retains a bit of a bad-girl side. Despite this, she is loyal to the X-men and even though she exposes the insecurities of others, she has insecurities of her own. Powers: Telepathy, Can turn her skin into Diamond, Psychic persuasion </td> Emma Frost 90% Rogue 75% Gambit 75% Jean Grey 70% Beast 70% Iceman 55% Wolverine 55% Cyclops 50% Nightcrawler 30% Storm 25% Colossus 0% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

In my Calgarian days, I've jotted down (and continuing to do so) a list of things I've encountered and hated, I think some of these can be sympathized by a lot of people.
- Cold toilet seats
- Having a line of a song stuck in your head and you not recalling which song or even who's it by
- Forgetting what you forgot
- Remembering you left something vital to your journey seconds before reaching your destination
- Walking in on your friends
- Walking in on your friends wanking off
- Walking in on your friends' parents wanking off
- Walking in on your friends' parents and your friends trying to wank you off
- Ugly people on the street cat-calling at you
- Being mistaken for a guy
- Mosquito swarms that seem to follow you indoor and into vehicles
- Being offline
- Pamphlet people
- Being a dollar short on buying something you've craved since years ago and finally found in the middle of nowhere mall
- Having to go make feces in the middle of a long ride
- Having a good idea, not jotting in down in hopes to remember it until you can find proper source of jotting tools, but upon reaching papers and pens, you've already forgotten the idea
- Running out of razors
- People talking about common names like Matt, Brad, Mike, Joe, John and thinks they're the best names in the world

I haven't had dreams for a very long time. At least memorable ones like I used to have daily/nightly. I had one recently, it was once again more nightmarish than dreamlike. I couldn't remember the entire detail. But it has something to do with me and this guy I didn't know, who looked like Rupert Grint (actor of Ron in the Potter films) went to a sort of Museum of Deaths. There, in one room, we found these torsos with no arms, nor heads, hanging by meat hooks. Rupert saw a nearby one, took it down, and took off his pants readying for some necrophilic pleasures. Having nowhere else to go, I was forced to watch as he penetrated the corpsed at optimal velocity. Then the corpse began to shake as if orgasming, and white strings of vermicelli-like noodle-y substance began to spurt from the neck stump and arm stumps of the corpse as Rupert was still pumping away. Seconds later, the corpse had pushed Rupert off it (it still had no head or arms, just white noodles hanging off) and started walking towards me. Rupert caught the corpse in its trail and started licking its nipples. Somehow that halted the corpse's advance towards me. He then proceeded to rip its skin off, but the skin wrapped around him, and he was consumed into its .. err.. skin..ness. The corpse once again advanced towards me, and straddled me quickly. The noodle-like appendages grasped my hand, and forced my fingers into its rotting vaginal cavity. It felt hollow, dried and crusty inside. All of a sudden, a strong suction began in its vaginal cavity, threatening to consume my entire arm, at this point, I woke up.

Strange, I never had one with necrophilic Ron x zombie porno before.